The Tale of Matzo Balls the Third and Company
by lavanilla
Summary: Matzo Balls the Third is on their way to the Marsh's house, but when Randy orders Pizza Hut cheese pizza, things go very, very wrong...
1. Down Syndrome Jack Molests a Pizza

It was a warm day in the middle of winter when Matzo Balls the Third trudged their way through the snowy snowstorm to catch some sweet, sweet peen. Lurking around the corner with a friendly AR-15 in hand, Matzo was nearing the Marsh residence.

Matz hid the gun behind their back as they walked up against the house, back pressed up against the siding. They continued to scoot down the yard, trying their best to not look suspicious.

Why was Matzo Balls outside of Stan's house? Well, they were feeling a bit…. crazy tonight. Stan wasn't answering their texts and they couldn't possibly figure out why. Matz was in the mood for some nice puke kinky shit, but Stan simply wasn't complying. It made them angry… they were furious, hence the gun. When Matzo got angry, they always turned to their trustworthy AR-15 to help them out. It was their one and only coping skill; the only thing besides vomit that made them truly happy.

"I can't wait to lick up all of Stan's regurgitated food.. Mmmm…" They whispered to themselves, then a thought suddenly crossed their mind.

"Oy, man, I sure do hope his barf is kosher."

Out of the corner of their eyes, Matz saw a light flickering through a nearby window. Their attention darted in that direction, noticing that the window was actually open. Jewtastic! They could just sneak in right through the small crack, since Matzo was so short. So short that they could squeeze through anything life sent their way… like a window.

With a small huff, Matz wiggled their way into the house, finding themselves in the living room. Hmm… strange… nobody was awake.

Oh, wait! The distinct sounds of Randy Marsh, clearly drinking his sorrows away. Hmm.. reminds me of a certain narrator right now… ANYWAYS!

Randy came strutting out of the kitchen, bottle of wine tucked underneath his dad wing. He pulled it out and began chugging… and chugging… and chugging. He didn't even notice Matzo, the regular Marsh family stalker, standing in their living room.

Moving his free arm, Randy pointed in no direction whatsoever. He stared off into space before looking back at Matzo and stating, "that should be you up on that pole, girl." He then wandered off towards the home phone, dialing the number of the local Pizza Hut.

Overall confused, Matzo waddled their nice ass upstairs, walking into the bathroom. They looked near and far for Stan's toothbrush and found the object floating right in the toilet. Nice! How convenient; it was going to have some nice flavor now too.

Waddling out again, Matz walked into Stan's room, seeing the sleeping beauty right in front of their eyes. How magnificent… Stan was always cuter while asleep. Gazing at the sight before them, Matz took in the situation, happily drooling all over Stan as he slept. Matz was at Edward Cullen status here, but it made sense… Matz doesn't sleep. Matz likes blood and gore. Was Matz a vampire? They would have to remember to hang out with the vamp kids later.

With their massive dick hard, Matz was fantasizing about Stan's thick, slimy vomit all over their chest. They couldn't wait to shove the toothbrush down Stan's throat in order to induce the glorious clumps of Stan's puke. At that last thought, Matzo couldn't wait any longer; they had to do this _now_.

Using the feces flavored toothbrush, Matz crammed the object inside of Stan's mouth, forcing it to deepthroat the boy.

Stan awoke, eyes wide, and clearly traumatized from the events currently taking place. He was gagging, trying to push Matz away, but they were clearly too strong for him.

"S-Stan-chan, please vomit all over my Jewish face, uwu," Matz chanted, but suddenly, the entire ordeal was interrupted by a loud knock at the door.

The Pizza Hut cheese pizza was here! Stopping, Matz left the toothbrush in Stan's mouth, sprinting downstairs to see the glorious thing that was Pizza Hut cheese pizza.

Taking off behind them, Stan removed the toothbrush from the deep walls of his esophagus, following Matzo down the stairs to see what the hell was going on in _his_ house.

At the door, Crazyflyer12 held the precious Pizza Hut cheese pizza in his hand, tipping the hat that went with his Pizza Hut uniform to greet Randy. Behind Crazy was a salivating Jack, moaning in the background over the Pizza Hut cheese pizza.

"Oy, gee whiz, it's kosher!" Matz exclaimed, ecstatic about the Pizza Hut cheese pizza.

That's when Jack pushed Crazy into the house, right into Randy's chest, in order to save his precious Pizza Hut cheese pizza.

"Nah, I'm going to eat out this binch all night long," Jack declared, taking the pizza box from Crazy's grasp. He then held his significant other (the Pizza Hut cheese pizza) and ran upstairs, hiding underneath Shelly's bed so he could fuck his pizza in peace.

He unclothed the pizza by removing the entire thing from the box, pulled down his pants to reveal the tiniest peen, and stuck it right into the middle of the pizza. The warm cheese engulfing his wittle wee wee was stimulating.

He continued to thrust into the pizza, hearing the pizza moan out in delight. Wow, this was really hot… The narrator is currently jackkin it to San Diego right now.

As Jack neared his retarded orgasm, he screamed, "ME PEE PEE HARD!" and came all over the Pizza Hut cheese pizza with his creamy, down syndrome cum.

During all of the noise, Jack hadn't even noticed that the whole Marsh family, Crazyflyer12, and Matzo were all watching his pizza fucking shenanigans.

"It's not what it looks like!" Jack shouted, but it was too late… Crazy was already traumatized. The young boy with the incredibly large penis was burying his face into Randy's chest, sobbing uncontrollably. How could his father, Jack, fuck the pizza he made like that? ESPECIALLY right in front of his mother, her vomit kink buddy, and his entire family.

Thank Moses for Randy, because he was able to calm Crazy down perfectly. The way Randy was rubbing his back, shushing his cries… Was Crazy developing feelings for Randy? No! It couldn't be! Crazy wasn't a _faggot_. He liked pussy! Lots and lots of puss… Not Randy Marsh's wrinkly old pebis.

"You got cum and Pizza Hut cheese pizza sauce all over my floor, TUUU- _UUURD!_ " Shelly Marsh shouted, beginning to kick Jack's face in, breaking his glasses in the process.

"Yes mommy kick me harder," Jack moaned, moving the destroyed cheese pizza in front of his face so it could get in on the action.

At Jack's request, Shelly complied, kicking the beautiful couple even harder. Hmm.. Was this the start of a glorious polyamorous relationship between Jack, Pizza Hut cheese pizza, and Shelly Marsh? Find out next week…

 **TO BE CONTINUED.**

Next chapter: jack gets penis enlargement pills, matz chops off his dick, then jack chops off theirs and sticks his dick up their dicks urethra


	2. Penis Shenanigans on Hanukkah

_Last week on The Tale of Matzo Balls the Third and Company…_ **Matzo Balls brought an AR-15 to the Marsh house and then shoved a toothbrush down Stan's throat, Randy ordered a Pizza Hut cheese pizza, Down Syndrome Jack molested said pizza, Crazyflyer12 was traumatized while being comforted by Randy, and Shelly beat up Jack and his pizza.**

The day was Hanukkah and Matzo Balls was at the Marsh residence to celebrate. They brought their handy dandy menorrhea, the dreidel they always carried around in the pocket of their green turquoise pants, and, of course, their AR-15.

Matz had sent out invitations to Crazyflyer12 and Jack, hoping the rest of their family would attend their extravaganza. They had the Marsh family around them, so all they needed now to be completely content was Crazy and Jack.

Into the house came Jack and Crazy, strutting their way inside with 420 Pizza Hut cheese pizzas in hand. Jack then began flailing his arms as horny, sinful thoughts regarding the pizzas crossed his arms. Man, was he excited.

"THE AUTISM IS HELLA STRONG WITHIN THIS ONE!" screamed Crazy at the top of his lungs once he was in the house, gesturing to Jack as he spoke.

Matz giggled, spinning their dreidel happily on the table in front of them, "jewtehehehe."

Upon seeing Randy, Crazy dropped all 420 pizzas in his hands, running over to his long lost love. Of course, he wouldn't _admit_ that aloud, because he was _totallyfuckinstraighthaha_. He plopped down on Randy's lap, waiting for Matz to give him a turn with the dreidel since they're both sneaky jews.

"Today we're here to celebrate Matzo Balls and their faith," announced Stan as he walked up to his kinky friend, rubbing their shoulder lovingly. Everyone forgot Crazy was a jew. Nothing new.

"Oy, thank you, Stanb. Moses will grace you all with the riches of the Bews, giving each and every one of you a pouch of gold to display across your necks," Matz replied, leaning into Stan's embrace. With a genuine smile, Matz reached up to force their finger down Stan's throat, causing the boy to upchuck many chunks upon their Jewish face. Laughing, they licked up every last bit off of their own flesh, moaning softly as they did so.

Then the entire room began to roar in laughter. Silly Statzo! They're always getting into kinky shenanigans where everybody could see.

Setting up the menorrhea, Matzo lit one of the candle wicks, gazing lustfully at the fire as they did so. "Burn my bussy baddy," they repeated over and over, getting louder each time they said it.

During all of that, Jack made his way over to Crazy, gesturing for his son to come with him into the kitchen. Crazy compiled and then hopped up on the counter once the pair were alone.

"Do you have any _stuff_?" Jack asked Crazy, causing Crazy to raise his eyebrows in confusion.

"What stuff?" Crazy replied.

" _The_ stuff."

Suddenly, it clicked in Crazy's brain… Ah, yes! The way Crazy had gotten an incredibly enormous penis was by taking penis enlargement pills, because he hadn't received those genes from his father; only Matzo genetically had a large penis.

Before Crazy could respond, he was distracted by Matz continuing to yell, "burn my bussy baddy!" at the menorrhea in the living room. Sighing, Crazy's eyes suddenly turned completely red.

"Can you _SHUT THE FUCK UP_ you fucking r-tard?" Crazy yelled back, hoping it would silence Matz.

Alas, it did not. Matz came _stomping_ into the kitchen, AR-15 in hand. " _Whatthefuckdidyoujustsay?_ " they growled, cocking their gun and pointing it in Crazy's direction.

"Shoot me you pussy," Crazy said simply.

Meanwhile, Jack was getting impatient. All he wanted were some damn penis enlargement pills so he could fuck his 420 Pizza Hut cheese pizzas with a _big_ wee wee while Shelly beat them both up. That was _his_ kink. Why did Matzo always get to fulfill their kinks, while his were always shunned and pushed to the back burner? His dick was _hard_ , damn it, and he wanted to release his sweet juices _now_.

Annoyed, Jack reached into Crazy's pocket, grabbing his bottle of penis enlargement pills. He twisted off the cap and dumped all of the contents of the bottle into his hand. Reaching up, he brought his hand towards his mouth, slowly dumping every pill inside.

Crazy's attention was brought back towards Jack as his eyes widened. "Wait, Jack, _nooo!_ You can't take all of those! Your pebis will get too big!" Crazy pleaded, but it was too late, Jack had already swallowed all of the pills magically without anything to drink.

This was when the whole Marsh family rushed into the kitchen to see what was going on between the three. Suddenly, though, Jack's pee pee grew to a tremendous size. It filled the entire kitchen, and in return, knocked the Marsh family back into the living room.

"You tu- _UUUURD_!" screamed Shelly and that's when Jack's penis grew even _bigger_ due to being massively turned on by Shelly's shrieks of endearment. Now the entire Marsh house was being destroyed by Jack's penis and there was nothing anybody could do to stop it.

That was… until Matzo Balls the Third had a plan. Taking their handy dandy AR-15, they began to shoot at Jack's penis, but it was much too large. The bullets sunk into the flesh, not even making a dent on the limb.

"Jack you fucking idiot," Matz spat before reaching for a nearby katana sword and slicing the penis off. This, of course, caused Jack to scream in pain.

"OWWWW MY BALLS!" He cried, tears streaming down his face. Now he would never get to fuck his Pizza Hut cheese pizzas ever again… He was sooooo depressed.

Then that depression turned into rage. Fucking killjoy Matzo, always ruining his evil schemes. Elbowing Matz right in the tit, he made them drop the katana, snatching the weapon from off of the ground. In order to avenge their lover, all 420 of the Pizza Hut cheese pizzas flew into the kitchen and began to pull Matzo's pants down.

Jack laughed maniacally, raising the sword, and sliced off Matz's massive wee wee in return. Jack then picked up his own severed penis and began to shove it into Matzo's dick's urethra. His own penis was much too large, therefore it completely crushed Matz's penis' urethra.

Jack then began to jack it really hard because he was horny all over again.

"Oy, you're all a bunch of fucking goyims! Kill yourselves!" Matzo yelled, sick of being picked on as per usual.

Out of fear, Crazy ran. He ran and ran and ran… all the way into Randy's arms. Once again, Matzo and Jack's young son was traumatized, and needed to be comforted by the sick dad bod that was Randy Marsh. He nuzzled into the older man's chest, sobbing violently against his sweet pecks.

"Why are my parents so dysfunctional?" He cried.

Randy couldn't stand to see his side-piece this upset. It made Randy's wittle heartbreak. Furious, Randy made his way back inside, glaring at Matzo and Jack.

"How could you guys do this? To your _only_ son? On fucking Hanukkah! Out of all days! Isn't this holiday supposed to be about family?" Randy scolded Matz and Jack, which caused them both to hang their heads in shame.

That's when… _I_ arrived on the scene. Yes, me, your friendly neighborhood narrator. Randy clearly had false information; Crazy wasn't Matz and Jack's only son… I was _also_ their son!

"Ay, you fucking ignorant slut," I started, directing my anger towards Randy. "I'm Kenny. Matz and Jack's first son. They disowned me for being retarded but… I'm still their _son_."

"Oh, my bad, b. Sorry," Randy replied.

Then I destroyed Matz's menorrhea out of anger. Considering the candles were lit, the Marsh house caught on fire, and everybody had to escape before we all died. Matz and Jack's penises both erupted into flames, burning completely to ash, along with all 420 of the Pizza Hut cheese pizzas.

Crazy was still horrified. He ran to Randy once again and Randy picked the little boy up, holding him close as he continued to sob like a little faggot.

Jack was depressed all over again. All he had left now was Shelly and Shelly was a fucking bitch.

Once everybody was outside, Matzo gazed up at the fire lustfully once again, horny as well. They ran up to Stan and forced him to puke all over them once again, just to satisfy themselves so they wouldn't try to run inside and burn themselves alive in order to fulfill their other kinky desires.

As we were all standing outside (Matzo, Jack, Crazy, the Marsh family, and me), Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski came strutting up with all that Jew and Nazi swag.

"Guys… Cartman and I have an announcement…" Kyle started, a sad look in his eyes.

"I got an abortion!" Cartman finished and everyone gasped in shock.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

Next chapter: Cartman's abortion addiction.


End file.
